Boundaries aren't walls that keep people out. They're the limits that define where you end and others begin, protecting your recovery, your values, and your energy. This worksheet helps you identify what your limits are, how to communicate them clearly, and how to maintain them when they're tested.
🛡️ What boundaries are and aren't
Boundaries are statements about what you will and won't do, not demands about what others must do. They protect your recovery without requiring the other person to change.
✅ Boundaries are
Statements about your own behaviour
Limits you enforce yourself
Grounded in your values and recovery needs
Communicated clearly and calmly
Consistent regardless of others' reactions
❌ Boundaries aren't
Demands that others change their behaviour
Punishments or ultimatums meant to control
Negotiable when the other person pushes back
Walls that shut everyone out permanently
Selfish or unkind (they protect both people)
Types of boundaries
Physical boundaries
Your body, your space, your physical safety. Who can touch you, how, and when. Where you're willing to go and not go.
Example: "I won't go to environments where substances are being used."
Emotional boundaries
Protection of your emotional wellbeing. Not taking responsibility for others' emotions. Not allowing emotional manipulation or verbal abuse.
Example: "I'll end conversations that become verbally abusive."
Time boundaries
How you spend your time, and protecting time allocated to recovery activities.
Example: "My therapy appointments and meetings are non-negotiable commitments."
Recovery boundaries
Specific limits that protect your sobriety. These take priority over social comfort in early recovery.
Example: "I won't keep alcohol in my home, regardless of guests' preferences."
🔍 Identifying where you need boundaries
Boundaries become clear when you notice where you feel resentment, drained, pressured, or unsafe. These signals tell you where a boundary is needed.
Boundary signal: Any time you feel a gut-level "no" but say "yes" anyway, that's a boundary violation you're allowing. The feeling of resentment that follows is your signal that a boundary was needed. The emotional regulation toolkit helps you work with the feelings that arise when boundaries are crossed.
💬 Boundary communication scripts
The hardest part of boundaries is saying them out loud. These scripts give you the words. Adapt them to your voice and situation.
Declining alcohol / substances
"I don't drink. Thanks for offering." (no explanation required)
"I'm in recovery so I'll stick with water. But please don't let that stop you."
"That's not something I do anymore. Can we find something else to do together?"
Protecting recovery time
"I have a commitment at 7 that I can't move. Can we do earlier or another night?"
"My [meeting/therapy/sponsor call] is a non-negotiable part of my week. I'd love to catch up on Thursday instead."
Ending a difficult conversation
"I'm not in a place to have this conversation right now. I need to step away and we can come back to this later."
"I can hear this is important to you. I want to discuss it properly, but I need 20 minutes to calm down first."
Declining intrusive questions about your recovery
"That's something I keep private. I appreciate you caring."
"I'm doing well and focusing forward. I'd rather not get into the details."
Setting a consequence when a boundary is crossed
"I've asked that you not bring alcohol into my home. If that continues, I won't be able to have you here."
"When you speak to me that way, I end the conversation. That hasn't changed. I'm happy to talk when we can both be calm."
🛡️ Maintaining boundaries under pressure
Setting a boundary is one thing. Holding it when someone pushes back is another. People will test boundaries, especially in early recovery when your new patterns surprise them. Here's how to hold your ground.
The broken record technique
When someone keeps pushing, simply repeat your boundary calmly in the same words, without elaborating or defending. You don't owe an explanation. "I understand. My answer is still no." Repeated calmly, without anger. The urge to explain more is the urge to negotiate. Don't negotiate recovery boundaries.
Guilt is not a signal to change your boundary
People who care about you may feel hurt or confused by your new boundaries. That hurt is real and valid. It's also not a reason to drop the boundary. Feeling guilty doesn't mean you've done something wrong. It often means you've done something new. Work through boundary-related guilt with the shame and guilt reframing tool.
Consistency is everything
A boundary only becomes real when it's consistently enforced. An inconsistent boundary teaches people that persistence works. If you hold a boundary 9 times and drop it on the 10th because they pushed hard enough, you've trained them that pushing works. Consistency is kind, because it's clear.
Some relationships can't accommodate your recovery boundaries
If someone consistently and deliberately violates boundaries that protect your sobriety, the relationship itself may not be sustainable at this stage of your recovery. This is painful and real. Discuss with your sponsor or counsellor. Your recovery comes first. Use the sober network builder to build relationships that support rather than undermine your boundaries.
📋 My boundaries log
Record your active boundaries and track their status. Brings clarity and accountability to your boundary work.
➕ Log a boundary
No boundaries logged yet. Add your first above.
Boundaries in addiction recovery: why they matter
People in recovery often come from relationship dynamics where boundaries were absent, violated, or never modelled. Codependency, enmeshment, and people-pleasing are common patterns, and they create the exact conditions in which recovery is hardest: a life shaped by others' needs rather than one's own values, mounting resentment, and no protected space for the recovery activities that sustain sobriety.
Boundary setting is not a one-time conversation. It's an ongoing practice that develops over time. Start with the boundaries most directly related to your recovery: who can come to your home, what substances are allowed in your space, which events you attend, and how much of your recovery time is negotiable (the answer to that last one is: none). Use the communication skills builder to develop the assertive communication skills that make boundary conversations feel less threatening, and the relapse prevention plan builder to document your recovery-critical boundaries as part of your formal prevention plan.
Family boundaries deserve particular attention. Families that lived through someone's addiction often develop their own dysfunctional patterns around it: over-controlling, enabling, withdrawing, or emotional volatility. These patterns don't automatically resolve when the person gets sober. The family support guide helps families understand what recovery requires from them, which makes boundary conversations with family members more productive and less adversarial.
Recovery tip: Talk your boundaries through with your sponsor before the situations that require them arise. Having your sponsor know your limits means they can support you when you're tested. It also creates accountability: if you tell your sponsor "I won't go to bars," it's harder to justify going. Boundaries stated aloud to someone who cares about your recovery become more real.